The Show Must Go On
by Elske
Summary: An amusing little humour-fic...one of the ways Lupin might have been amusing himself during GoF. Starring Eyeliner!Lupin!! Contains vague slashyness and men in eyeliner. What more could you want in a fic?


Author's notes:

Well, here it is. The infamous "Eyeliner!Lupin" fic. You all knew it was coming…and here it is. This is a humour fic (well, I think it's funny, anyway). I hope it is. Unlike "When the Roof Caves In", this is not 100% slash free, nor does it take itself seriously. After all, the only thing that's to be done with Eyeliner!Lupin is to share him, yes? *grins* As always, I'll gladly take comments, criticisms, and the like. Thanks to Mere (because somehow I blame Eyeliner!Lupin partially on her) and to Nell for leaving the review on "When the Roof Caves In" (and consequently putting Moulin-Rouge!Lupin in my head, but that's another story all together.)

What? Anonymous French-speaking glitter-phobic theatre girl? *looks around innocently*

Anyway, enjoy! ~Elske

"The Show Must Go On"

by Elske

Remus Lupin stared at his reflection in the dressing-room mirror, a look of mingled frustration and disbelief on his face. How in the world did he ever let himself get talked into this? But it was all his own fault, he knew all too well. It had seemed like a good idea at the time; but didn't these ideas always seem like a good idea at the time?

He never ever imagined that it would be like…like this. It seemed so easy…the easiest by far of all the options Albus Dumbledore had for him. When Lupin told Dumbledore that he wasn't going to return to teach at Hogwarts School after it became publicly known that Lupin was, in fact, a werewolf, Dumbledore was a little upset but also understanding. He offered to help Lupin go into hiding…into hiding until the time he would be needed again in the Wizarding world. It was practically certain that such a time loomed in the future. Voldemort would return again…and Lupin would get a second chance against the ultimate evil. In the meantime, however, Lupin had to go into hiding, and Dumbledore had prepared a list of possible safe places for Lupin to hide, places that no one would ever expect to find him. And Lupin rather foolishly had chosen the one that seemed easiest, safest, most effortless.

Muggle Dinner Theatre.

What a fool he'd been.

"Monsieur Lupin?" a rather unremarkable theatre girl appeared in the doorway, makeup case in hand. Her French accent was perfect. "Monsieur Lupin, are you ready to have your makeup done?"

He flinched at the word 'makeup'. He'd forgotten…things just kept getting worse, didn't they? And here he thought the costume was as bad as it was going to get. "Erm…yes. Of course."

"Wonderful!" the girl said with a bright smile, picking up a chair and setting it behind Lupin. "Can you turn around for me? It'll make things easier for both of us."

Lupin mutely obeyed, brooding to himself as the theatre girl spread out all of her makeup essentials on the vanity behind them and began applying his foundation. Monsieur Lupin – he had doubted that Dumbledore's suggestion of merely changing the pronunciation of his name and his supposed nationality would be an effective alias. Surprisingly enough, it was. He even had trouble sometimes remembering to answer to 'Monsieur Lupin' – and he was not only a fully trained wizard, but a former Ravenclaw…which meant that he was a Very Smart Man.

"You're very good at this," the anonymous theatre girl said suddenly, breaking Lupin out of his reverie.

"Pardon?" the wizard said, shocked at her comment.

"You're very good at this," she repeated with a smile. "Most people flinch at the very least. Some even struggle…although I haven't had anyone really fight me since I was in school. People are a little better behaved in semi-professional dinner theatre, after all. But you're by far the best actor I've ever makeup-ed." She beamed at him.

Lupin softened at the unexpected praise. "Thank you," he said. He really was quite good at keeping still – he had experience in controlling his reflexes, gained from trying to keep control during his monthly transformation into the wolf. 

"You're welcome. Do you think you can close your eyes for me for a moment?" Lupin obeyed as the makeup girl did something with a black pencil that the wizard didn't really want to think about. "Good…now can you open them for me?" the makeup artist cooed. Lupin obliged, thinking it had really been too long since anyone cooed over him. "You've got such beautiful eyes," she remarked, looking at her handiwork. "They're gorgeous…they're amber, actually _amber_. I've never met anyone with amber eyes in real life, just in stories. They're not coloured contacts, are they?"

"Hmm? Oh, no." Lupin smiled slowly. "No, the colour is completely natural. It…runs in the family." He lied, not-so-smoothly. The colouring was natural, although it was inherited from werewolf bites and not family lines.

"Fascinating," the theatre girl breathed as she returned the eyeliner to her makeup collection. "Hmm…" she hummed, staring critically at Lupin for a moment. She delved back into her box, coming up with a little pot of something shiny. "My illustration says that I'm supposed to do blue, but I _have_ to do gold on you, with those eyes. It'll be such a breathtaking effect."

Lupin eyed what she was holding apprehensively. "Is that…glitter?" he asked, miraculously managing to keep his tone level.

"Mmm-hmm." The theatre girl wrinkled her nose. "I'm sorry. I wish I didn't have to, but it's in the rules. I hate glitter." The theatre girl continued to talk, telling Lupin exactly why she was so glitter-phobic. It was a vaguely interesting story, enough to take Lupin's mind off of the alarming quantities of glitter that were being applied to his face. 

Finally the anonymous theatre girl finished Lupin's makeup. "There! You're lovely!" She said, holding out her hands and smiling at him. "Absolutely gorgeous. Break a leg, love." She quickly gathered up her makeup things, winked at Lupin, and left the dressing room.

He watched her go, then stood up and began pacing around the room. Break a leg. Break a leg indeed. What a fool he'd been to even consider thinking he could do this. In the background, he could hear the orchestra warming up and launching into the overture, which meant in a matter of moments…

The anonymous theatre girl, now wearing a headset, poked her head into the room. "Monsieur Lupin," she stage-whispered, "you're on!"

…he would be making his debut as a star in the world of Muggle Dinner Theatre.

"Thank you," Lupin whispered gratefully, walking out of his dressing room, down a short hallway, through the wings and…onstage.

He froze in the spotlight for a minute, panic-stricken, looking like the proverbial deer-in-the-headlights as the orchestra played another vamp, and a third, and…

"Wilkommen, Bienvenue, Welcome!" a strong voice rang out. Lupin looked around in shock for a moment before he realised it was his. He paused in the song and smiled brightly at the audience, to be rewarded with some applause. Applause…applause for him. It was remarkable. He smiled again and launched into the song again, effortlessly falling into the role. He still had a few misgivings about the glitter – and the lewd (but scripted) comments he said about the scantily clad chorus girls who appeared in the number.

When it was over, he settled himself in a chair in a corner of the stage, trying to think over his lines and remember what it was he was supposed to do next. To his surprise, one of the Cabaret boys followed him and draped himself neatly in Lupin's lap.

"Forgive me," he whispered, "but it's in the script. You don't mind, do you? Lulu said she thought you'd mind."

"No, not at all," Lupin replied, part of his mind busy trying to comprehend that he was sitting on a stage in front of hundreds of people with glitter on his face and a lapful of gorgeous young man.

"I didn't think you would." The chorus boy's eyes glittered for a moment as he reached out and tilted Lupin's face up and kissed him.

It had been a _very_ long time since anyone had kissed Remus Lupin. When you were an asexual werewolf, people were rarely eager to offer you meaningless kisses, after all – especially if it was anywhere near the full moon. 

He could have sat there, happily allowing the chorus-boy to kiss him for the rest of the night. It was an interesting feeling, although Lupin doubted that he was enjoying it nearly as much as the chorus-boy intended. However for better or for worse, the scene was changing and the chorus-boy reluctantly removed himself from Lupin's lap. 

"Thank you," the chorus-boy whispered, smiling at Lupin. "I've been wanting to do that since I first saw you." He winked and disappeared into the wings.

Lupin stood up as well, his head spinning, and launched into his next number. After the number he found himself back in the chair. This time one of the Cabaret girls appeared in his lap. She smiled at him, told him he was sexy, and proceeded to kiss him.

All too soon the show was over, and Lupin was back in his dressing-room, his ears still ringing from the applause. The makeup girl ran over to him with an handful of baby-wipes and some cold crème. "Monsieur Lupin, vous êtes magnifique!" she said, giving him a huge hug.

He stood there, blinking for a moment as he tried to remember back to his grammar-school French. "Merci…merci beaucoup." Lupin said finally, smiling at the girl.

"De rien," she said, laughing lightly. "It's true, you're wonderful. Do you want to sit down and let me get some of that goo off of your face?"

Lupin obliged and smiled to himself as the anonymous theatre girl cooed over him and took off his makeup. The vanity behind him had about seven bouquets of flowers proudly decorating it. No one had ever sent Lupin flowers before. In this one night people had made more of a fuss over him than they had in the past twenty years. It felt good.

After all, asexual werewolves need love too.

By the end of the week, Lupin had been kissed by all of the chorus girls and chorus boys, including the girl who played Sally – and the man who played Cliff had been shooting the others sad jealous looks.

By the end of the run, he'd gotten more kisses and hugs and love than he could imagine. People made a fuss over him every night, telling him he was gorgeous and talented and wonderful. Which of course, he was. Someone had booked him to sing at their wedding. When he 'took sick' around the full moon, he received dozens of get-well cards and warm wishes. He had a standing Wednesday lunch-date with the anonymous theatre girl who did his makeup. Everyone loved him, he loved everyone, and he was looking crazily forward to the new theatre season.

By the end of the year, Remus Lupin had made up his mind. To hell with the Wizarding world – his place in live was really here, doing Muggle Dinner Theatre.

It was of course the very next day that Dumbledore showed up at the curtain-call carrying the news that Voldemort was returning and Lupin was desperately needed in the Wizarding world.

Such, sadly, was life.

It was really a shame for Dumbledore, Lupin decided, and the rest of the Wizarding world. They were simply going to have to understand that the show must go on. 


End file.
